One thing that really comes as a surprise to me is the fact that not everyone will be happy for you when you lose weight.  The counselor at my surgeon’s office warned us of this, but truthfully, I had a difficult time believing it.

But it’s true.  Some people in your life will be so excited for the changes that they see in you, both inside and out.  They’ll celebrate your tiny victories and your big victories.  They’ll support you when you’re having tough days adapting to your new body and lifestyle.  They’ll be sympathetic to some of the new ways that you eat, and they’ll adapt to the fact that food is no longer the center of your world.

But some people, both people who are very close to you and those who don’t know you much at all, will not be supportive or happy for you.  Some will be passive aggressive, and some will even be openly nasty.  Prepare yourself for it.

You expect people to say that you took the “easy way out.”  While we know that this is not true, because you MUST change your lifestyle to make the tool work for you, and that requires lots and lots of HARD WORK, some people will still assume that it’s an easy button for weight loss, or that you “cheated” in some way.  Not so.  But I comfort myself with the knowledge that this reaction comes from ignorance/lack of knowledge, and not generally out of malice.  They just don’t know any better.  I can forgive that if they’re willing to listen to my story and understand that my WLS journey has NOT been the equivalent of hitting that easy button.  I go to the gym.  I weigh my food.  I watch what I eat.  I am very careful about being healthy.

But there’s a second kind of nastiness that I have a difficult time accepting and forgiving.  Comments that I’ve heard? 

• You’re getting too skinny.  You’re starting to look emaciated.
• You’re losing weight too quickly.  Aren’t you afraid that your body is shutting down?
• You look like you have cancer.
• Why do you want to lose so much weight?  (Insert goal weight here) is way too skinny.  There won’t be anything left of you. 
• I prefer my curves to your skinny.  My curves make me look like a real woman.
• Why don’t you eat something?  You wouldn’t be so cold if you ate something now and then.
• Is that all you’re eating?  Are you anorexic now?

And those are just a few of the negative comments.  Now I weigh about 170 pounds, and I’m a size 12.  I am NOT skinny by any stretch of the imagination.  But I AM much much much thinner than I was at 330 pounds, and that can be a shock to some people to see me lose 160 pounds in 7 months.  I get that. 

But I don’t understand what makes people feel like they have the right to continuously comment on my weight, whether they feel that I’m too big OR too small?  If it’s a nice comment, I’m okay with that.  But otherwise, keep your comments to yourself. 

I do eat.  I also exercise.  My bloodwork shows that I’m healthy.  My surgeon is pleased with my progress.  I do not look like I have cancer, and I am not too skinny.  I will set my goal weight at a range within the “healthy” BMI range and I reserve the right to move it up or down according to my own feelings about my health and by body.  I am glad that you like your curves.  I like your curves too.  But I also like being able to feel my collarbone and my shoulder bones and ribs and pelvic bone.  I like being able to run and do advanced yoga poses.  I am also not losing weight too quickly.  I’m going to guess that my bariatric surgeon’s advanced degrees trump your BA in Philosophy any day of the week when it comes to giving medical advice, so pardon me if I’m going to heed his feedback that says that I’m doing well. 

I have lost a few friends through this process.  Our friendships were based around our love of food, it seems, and we weren’t able to adapt to a different focus.  I am sad at the loss of their friendship, but these things happen as we evolve as human beings.  I hold no ill will against them, and I wish them well.  I have made some wonderful new friends, as well.  And I have learned that life is way too short for negativity.  If people can’t be supportive and happy for these wonderful changes in my life, then it is, perhaps, time to move on.  Wish them well.  And move on.  I want to surround myself with positive energy and positive people.  Anything else would be a waste.